Throw Out Your Calendar

Let’s face it– for many of us, things won’t get done unless we pencil it in, set a reminder, or plan ahead, which is why I use my Google Calendar for literally everything. Among the typical class and work schedule, I add reminders to eat food, get to the gym at the time I promised myself I would, or call home between classes before. While I would like to sit here and tell you that I actually do everything on my calendar, the reality is that only about 40% of it gets done.

As reminders pile up and my schedule gets busy, I am overwhelmed with everything I need to do, and the sight of my calendar makes me want to curl up in a ball and cry. The to-do lists seem to be never-ending, and it is becoming more and more apparent to me that they will never be done. The chaos that is my Google Calendar is both my best friend and worst enemy. 

My calendar is great at keeping me on time for class and work, but it is not so great at keeping me accountable for the routine things I tell myself I need to do, like working out regularly and calling home. The main difference between these two lists is that one has real external consequences, and the other seems to have no immediate negative effect. If I don’t show up to class, I am penalized with a 10% grade reduction. If I don’t show up to work, I don’t get paid. On the other hand, if I don’t workout well, I guess I’ll just do it tomorrow. If I don’t call home today, I’ll just get to it this weekend. 

My conclusion is that my brain only works on a short-term scale as I weigh each task's importance before deciding to follow through. It seems like all I care about is the immediate consequences of not doing the things I signed up for or said I would do. When I look at these lists more closely, I discover that not only am I blinded by the short-term, but I can’t seem to commit to doing the things I know will be good for me.

Setting aside time to read my Bible is one of those things I keep putting on my calendar but can’t seem to commit to. I know that spending time with God and reading his word every day would be good for me, but I just can’t seem to convince myself of that enough actually to do it. I mean, there are no visible consequences to skipping out on my time with God; he doesn’t punish me immediately by docking 10% of my grade. Instead, I just decide that I have better things to do that are more worthwhile, so I skip just one day, then one day becomes two, and then before I know it, I have read my Bible consistently for over a year. 

I am guilty of taking things into my own hands and deciding what is best for me, even if that means canceling the plans I just couldn’t seem to make time for. As much as I knew I needed to spend time with God, I didn’t let it take priority, and frankly, I don’t know why. 

A hard truth I needed to face was one I discovered in Allie Beth Stuckey’s book You’re Not Enough (and that’s okay). To summarize, she breaks down the self-love culture and exposes the true toxicity that comes when we look within ourselves for healing when we should look to God for the love and fulfillment we desire. Now, you may be wondering how this is even relevant to calendars, reminders, and plans, but I promise you there is a connection.

I prioritized my schedule based on what I thought the world deemed sufficient. I prioritized school, working long hours, and taking on too many responsibilities in the name of productivity. Do you know what I have learned from that? The more I tried to do the things that would satisfy my worldly understanding of what it meant to be a successful and fulfilled person, the more I started to feel like I was losing myself. Allie Beth wrote:

“The first step to getting out of whatever unhealthy cycle you’re currently in is realizing just how not enough you are. That means letting go of the responsibility to be your own source of fulfillment– a responsibility that was never yours in the first place.”

Who am I, and who are we to be putting all of this pressure on ourselves to control every moment of our lives with a calendar? Sure, it is a good idea to keep organized and have a plan for the day, but we shouldn’t let that daily planning spiral into convincing ourselves that we have the ability to juggle and balance all of our plans. 

As I write this today, I am a hypocrite. My Google Calendar is littered with plans I have no intention of fulfilling and to-do’s I know I just won’t get done. But today, I have decided that I don’t want to be in control of my calendar anymore. I want God to take control of my plans and shake up my schedule a little bit. Yeah, that’s a little intimidating, but at the rate I have been going, nothing I am doing alone is working. 

I had a friend pray something over me one time that I want to share with you. If you feel like your calendar is getting heavy and nothing is getting done according to your time, I pray that the discontentment and lack of control you feel as you try to plan out every detail inspires you to let go for real this time. I pray that God uses the discontentment in your heart and mind to lead you closer to him and closer to letting go and giving your calendar to God.