Learning to Grow Up With God

My parents were not lying when they said life would go by in the blink of an eye once I got to college. One minute, they are moving me into my freshman dorm, and the next, I am sitting in a coffee shop with my boyfriend of over two years, planning for life after graduation. 

As I apply for jobs, look for apartments, and learn about credit scores, investment accounts, and insurance, I wonder how I got here. Where did the time go? It feels like yesterday that all I had to worry about was getting my chores done before mom got mad and making it to the bus before it left without me. I keep telling myself that there is no way I am an “adult,” but that won’t stop me from growing up...

When I think about the undeniable reality that I am technically an adult, I can’t help but add the air quotes because I don’t feel old enough to be one. No matter what I feel, the truth is I am 20 years old, and I must accept the fact that my carefree teenage years are soon to be fond memories of the past because I’ll blink my eyes once again, and another 4 years will pass me by.

It’s overwhelming to think about all the things I need to do before graduation. There is still so much I need to learn to prepare myself for life outside of this bubble. I feel like the struggle of transitioning from being an adult in college to an adult post-grad is not talked about enough, and I am here to tell you that the two are very different. When you are an adult in college, you have a safety net. You have a place to get food for every meal, a bed to sleep in at night, and people to support you right next door. 

This isn’t to say that when you graduate, all of that goes away, but it is inevitable that when you step off campus and into the real world, you will face new challenges and likely have a smaller safety net. If you don’t grocery shop every week, you won’t have food to eat. If you don’t pay your rent on time, you won’t have a bed to sleep in at night. And if you don’t set aside time for your friends, chances are you won’t see them until the next holiday. 

Growing up and becoming what I like to call “a real adult” is scary, and recently, this fear of getting older has made planning for the future nearly impossible. When I sit down at the computer to apply for jobs, I am paralyzed by all the anxious thoughts running through my head: what if I don’t want to work there? What if I am not qualified? What if I don’t make enough money to live?! It doesn’t take long before the anxiety becomes too much, and I shut the computer to try again another day.

The truth is, I will never be ready to start planning. I will probably be full of what-ifs for as long as I try to answer all of my fearful questions as I plan my life, and that might just be my problem. Matthew 6:34 says, “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” For a chronic planner like me, it is hard not to worry about tomorrow as I plan for the future, but maybe the point is I need to work on separating the idea of planning from worrying and not making them synonymous with each other. 

I can and should be making plans. I should be applying for jobs, looking for apartments, and setting up my finances. What I shouldn’t be doing is worrying about the little things that I have no control over. I can plan to apply for jobs, but I shouldn’t worry about not liking what I do if I haven’t gotten the job yet. There is only so much we can do now, so there is no point in worrying about what hasn’t even happened yet.

This is all easier said than done, and as I get older and the need to really start “adulting” creeps in, worry is inevitably the first thing to flood my brain. I have been trying to remind myself that I am not supposed to have it all figured out, and more importantly, I need to be humbling myself before God so I can let go of my plans and be filled with his will for my life. 

Getting older, growing up, “adulting,” whatever you like to call it, is hard. It’s hard not to know what you are doing, it’s hard to let go of control, and sometimes it is hard to trust God with our anxieties. The good news is you are not alone in your struggle; we are all in the process of learning how to grow up. 

My hope for this blog is to create a community committed to learning how to grow up with God, letting go of worry, and letting God be at the center of our planning. I invite you to join me on this journey as we learn to grow up with God together.